4 Beautiful Lies to Get Slightly Above Average Women Into Bed Quickly
by Buster Guru
First of all, here are the three reasons why I’m not giving you the “4 Beautiful Lies to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed Quickly”:
1) You’re not attractive enough, rich enough, nor bad boy enough to get the beautiful women no matter how well you lie. Sober up and just face it, keep masturbating to their images online as necessary, and move along to enjoying the rest of your life too.
2) There aren’t that many beautiful women out there in the first place. Now the more time you spend online the more it seems there are a lot of beautiful women out there, but I did a scientific study and here’s a fact: there is a very disproportionately high amount of pictures of beautiful women online versus actual beautiful women out there at McDonald’s and the rest of the world. If you relied on the Internet for all your knowledge, it would seem for every 100 women in the world, 98 of them are beautiful. In fact, though, for every 100 women in the world, only 2 are beautiful. And one lives in Southern California and the other is in Russia and despite the disclaimer on her website she’s actually still not 18.
3) Meanwhile there are lots of slightly above average women out there. And the lower you adjust your average bar the more there are. Why waste so much of your time, money, energy and semen trying to fill your bag with one gold coin when you can quickly have it overflowing with bronze and tin?
One more thing I once learned from a hot little feminist I once banged that I feel is important to pass along: it is very wrong to objectify women and want to use them for their bodies and all that. So please keep that in mind and if you are a hot little feminist please forward this page to all your male friends so they finally get the message.
And now onto The 4 Beautiful Lies to Get Slightly Above Average Women Into Bed Quickly:
1) “Oh my God, you’re so beautiful. You could easily be on one of those celebrity sites on the Internet.”
This works so well because, for one, she’s not beautiful, but she has invested so much in hair care products, South Beach Diet books and Oil of Olay over the years or decades because that’s the one thing she most wishes she was: beautiful. Even and especially if she’s now a tenured professor in the Women’s Study program at a college. No matter where the ensuing conversation goes, keep periodically interrupting yourself and repeat it as if you’re in disbelief – “Oh my God, you’re so beautiful” –until she believes it and so do you.
It also works so well because the second part of the lie, “You could easily be on one of those celebrity sites on the Internet,” is rather mysterious. And that makes you rather mysterious, and slightly above average women go for that.
She is wondering what celebrity websites on the Internet? You may be wondering that too. Hell if I know. If she asks, just say, “You know, those sites with all the hot celebrities. Those ones.” Say it with a little laugh, like you know you’re just a little dumb, because slightly above average women go for guys that are smart enough to know they’re just a little dumb (versus beautiful women, who go for just plain dumb guys, though they’re very rich or very attractive or very in jail very dumb guys.)
An hour-and-a-half and two Sex on the Beach shots for her later (Sex on the Beach shots are forever both funny and daring to all women), when she is on all fours and doing and saying everything and anything you ask, whisper this:
“Babe, I’m like into cameras and it would be so hot if I could take just a few pictures of you like this because you’re so beautiful.”
“Okay,” she’ll moan, “as long as they’re only for you baby.”
And they are for only you, to do with as you please. So post them on those amateur-porn-of-your-girlfriend websites and share with the rest of us. And email her when you’ve posted them and let her know she’s now forever on one of those celebrity websites that you were talking about. Slightly above average women think appearing on those sites is very funny.
2) “I do very well financially but I hate it when people judge me by that.”
Here’s the deal with slightly above average women: they know they’re not going to get a flat-out rich guy, because they know they aren’t beautiful, but they dream about dating and marrying a guy who is at least financially well-to-do.
But in the same way you are only talking to her because you hope to fuck her -- but it is insensitive, superficial and politically incorrect to admit that aloud – she cannot admit aloud that she mainly wants a guy for his money, because that too is insensitive, superficial and politically incorrect.
So with this lie, you simultaneously answer the question she really wants to ask – “Are you financially well-to-do?” – and you take the pressure off of her to have to find ways to ask you without seeming like she is asking you.
Now that she knows you are financially well-to-do, even if you’re actually not, she is naturally much more at ease with removing her panties for you.
Furthermore, it doesn’t seem like you are bragging but instead being a deep and sensitive guy, because you hate it when people judge you by all the money you make, and slightly above average women are hot for deep and sensitive guys, as long as they’re actually not really too deep or sensitive, which means you’re gay.
And even if you work in the mailroom or doing HTML coding, it is very easy to believe your own lie for a while – that you do very well financially – and that is a nice side-effect.
3) “Hey, can you tie a cherry stem with your tongue too? I can!”
When you hit that inevitable lull in the conversation with Ms. (or even hotter, Mrs.) Slightly Above Average at the Applebee’s bar or wherever you’re working your magic, it’s time to pull this doozy out.
Every woman knows that when you bring up tying a cherry stem with your tongue, you’re actually telling her, in a noble and erotic way, how mind-blowing her orgasms will be when you go down on her later.
The good news of course is that you won’t actually have to go down on her later, because first of all it’s a lot of work and it hurts your neck but she is only slightly above average so come on.
Second, by the time you get her in bed sex is happening anyway so after having her go down on you for a while just quickly flip her and slip it in, Jim. Going down on her would actually give her more time to change her mind, so don’t let her moan you into it.
Anyway, back to the titillating cherry-stem-tying lie. Of course you can’t actually do it, or if you can it takes you twenty minutes and you look like you’re chewing condoms.
What you need to do (and yes, I admit I got this from Martha Stewart) is keep a pre-tied cherry stem in your pocket.
With a quick slight-of-hand -- no harder than popping that Ecstasy pill into your mouth in the cafeteria at work – toss the untied cherry stem out and stick that pre-tied cherry stem into your mouth.
Since you’re going through the trouble anyway, though, don’t just pre-tie a single knot in that cherry. Go for a fisherman’s knot, or a weaver’s eight, or best of all two heart knots side-by-side, which will both touch that space between her legs and her heart deeply.
4) “What are three of your favorite movies? I’m a little embarrassed to say it, but one of mine is ‘The Notebook.’ Have you ever seen it?”
If you skipped all the other lies and just told this one, I can guarantee you will at least be getting head by the dumpster.
All slightly above average women, and even many of the beautiful ones, go moist when they even hear those two words together: “The Notebook.” Kind of whisper it when you say it to crank her faucet even higher.
But one caveat: you have to do just a bit of homework to back this lie up.
No, my beer-gutted friend, you don’t actually have to suffer through watching the whole nauseating movie (though it is actually quite funny if you also enjoy snacking on ‘shrooms with your films.)
But you should:
a) Read a short summary of the The Notebook so you don’t fuck everything up and start talking about the scene where the mommy deer gets shot. That’s Bambi. Go with that movie if you’re working some 15-year-old girl, or a cop posing as one, online. But for The Notebook, get the basic summary straight in your head … and remember to really stress the ending when you talk about it. All you have to remember to say is “Oh my God, that was so beautiful when they ended up in the nursing home together in the end.” The slightly above average woman won’t shut up about it from there, and you just keep nodding enthusiastically and imagine her lips moving that fast elsewhere.
b) Just watch The Notebook kissing scene below. Dude, its only 30-some seconds, and its one of her favorite scenes along with the ending, and it will make you cry too.
(BONUS ADVICE: Wanna go bareback with her? Then take the time to memorize the lines in this scene and recite them back to her!)
c) Remember three names: one, Nicholas Sparks, who wrote The Notebook novel that the film is based on, and a bunch of other novels with almost exactly the same plot as The Notebook, and who is the only author whose name alone can make women come.
Two, Rachel McAdams, the achingly hot starring actress in the film who I often impregnate in my mind and you can too.
And three, Ryan Gosling, the young stud actor who is too good looking not to be gay in real life but who is definitely straight in his starring role in The Notebook.
(BONUS ADVICE 2: Wanna hit her backdoor? No matter what the slightly above average woman looks like, tell her she kind of reminds you of Rachel McAdams. )
(BONUS ADVICE 3: Want her to include her slightly above average best friend in the fun? Then try to look exactly like Ryan Gosling.)
So there you have it. Four beautiful lies that always work, guaranteed.
But what if they don’t work for you?
That means you are likely even fatter and more disgusting than you think you are, and you should start listening more to people who make fun of you and less to your mom.
But that’s okay.
These lies also work with average women. In fact they work even better.
As for slightly below average women and lower, just be honest.