This may be the most important advice you could share with anyone in business, school, and really any walk of life...
"There are two things you must be most careful about opening, because these two things can MOST screw up your life. One is your mouth. The other is your fly. (And not necessarily in that order.)"
Love, Buster Guru
"I've found a threat that works wonders with my little ones when their behavior spirals out of control. I tell them that if they keep acting up, they're going to spend the night with their grandpa. And one night, just to make things really clear, I showed them exactly where grandpa was buried in the cemetery."
-- Buster Guru
"My friend asked me the other day if I've ever paid for sex.
I reminded her that I have children... So yes, I've paid dearly for it."
-- Buster Guru
Dear Corporate Interests Who Created Hannah Montana / Miley Cyrus,
As a parent, I am BEYOND UPSET with you for letting Miley Cyrus “twerk” like a whore while dressed like a slut on the VMA awards on MTV (which should now stand for "Masturbating to T_ts and V_agin_s!)
I am very busy in my life and for years I have trusted YOU, corporate interests, to help me raise my children into self-respecting, moralistic, God- and sex-fearing adults.
As you know well, in this day and age I DO NOT have the time or energy to do it all myself, and so I have trusted your (certain) wholesome pop stars and celebrities, and all their related merchandise, to HELP ME do so...
But now, by enabling Miley's pornographic I'm-such-a-horny-b_tch "dance," you may have completely BROKEN my trust in you now!
(Now, in fact, I am deeply afraid that my kids, when they hit their teens and twenties, will start thinking about sex and maybe even want to TRY IT because of that twerking hooker, that twooker! (And God forbid they would want to try it with an older man like that one-hit pedophile Robin Thicke (is that is porn name? Ha!) If that happens, you better believe I might SUE!) And I am even more afraid they will start asking me QUESTIONS about sex and QUESTIONS about whether they should even trust ANY pop/rap/rock stars and other celebrities on TV, the Internet, their iPods, etc.)
In other words, corporate interests, YOU MAY HAVE SHATTERED MY CHILDREN'S BELIEF IN POP STARS ALTOGETHER, AND MY TRUST IN ALLOWING ANY CELEBRITY TO TEACH MY CHILDREN MORALS AND SELF-RESPECT ON TV, THE INTERNET, THEIR iPODS, ETC.!
I am sure you too can recall a time when we could TRUST that the products and messages media companies were offering our children would HELP them in life, lift them up, enable them grow into happy adults who feared God, sex, etc. Like when that movie Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm came out.
Well, we parents thought that time had returned with Hannah Montana and some other good stuff from Disney.
But it looks like you may be proving us and our trust WRONG!
What's next? Ariel from the Little Mermaid twerking? Pinnocchio from Pinnocchio doing one of those sex-saturated RAP SONGS?
Yes, I am joking (I HOPE so!) But if you can go so far as to let Hannah Montana go so far as to bend over in front of a 36 year old man in a prison suit with her privates hanging out of her "underwear" like some... like some DOG IN HEAT... then WHO KNOWS!
The point is, we parents TRUSTED that Hannah Montana / Miley Cyrus would continue to teach and inspire our children just like the icons of the past like Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm did, which is why we encouraged them to watch and buy all Hannah / Miley's stuff!
But now, with Mighty Whoreus (God forgive me, I am just so ANGRY!) poking a puffy finger into her crotch area (HORRIFYING!) and gyrating suggestively (to say the least!) all over a (married!) 36 year old man in a prison suit, that trust may have been completely BLOWN!
(And all with Miley's father watching on nonetheless! I don't even have words for that... but I CAN tell you this, I do not like his one song anymore!)
Corporate interests, I must conclude with THIS: If I had the time and energy, I might not even ALLOW my kids to follow, believe in, and buy ANY of the wholesome celebrity stuff (or what we once TRUSTED was wholesome!) on TV, the Internet, iPods, etc. EVER AGAIN.
If I had the time and energy, I might even have to go so far as to explain to them myself NOT to not believe in or trust ANYTHING or ANYONE at all on the TV, the Internet, their iPods, etc. EVER AGAIN!
I hope you "get" what I am saying!
SO HERE IS WHAT I ASK OF YOU...
Corporate interests, PLEASE make Hannah Montana / Miley Cyrus apologize publicly for her WHORISH "MTV" behavior. I am starting this online petition below, to be signed by millions of respectable God- and sex-fearing parents and other people, to show WE MEAN BUSINESS WHEN WE ASK FOR THIS APOLOGY!
Furthermore, make Hannah Montana / Miley Cyrus apologize publicly while wearing a respectable outfit like a knit sweater and knee-length skirt (jeans acceptable), and make her do so from someplace RESPECTABLE like the steps of her favorite church or whatnot.
In other words, please make her send the message to my kids -- and kids worldwide whose parents may still have a shred of TRUST that you, Hannah / Miley, and other (certain) celebrities -- genuinely CARE about their moral upbringing!!!
(Here, corporate interests, is a STRONG FINAL SUGGESTION -- have her explain in her public apology that she was on DRUGS when she did that hooker twerk dance! (Which she must have been.) Positioning it like that – that anyone doing a HORNY WHORE DANCE like that is clearly on drugs, so watch out for drugs – would be wonderful, sending our kids a DOUBLY powerful message so we don't have to... in other words, killing two birds with one stone! Your welcome.)
I and everyone signing their name below expect your PROMPT reply to this open letter (and free tickets to Disney on Ice are welcome too).
P.S. If YOU are a parent or equally outraged person reading this who wants to send this message to the corporate interests and Hannah Montana / Miley Cyrus LOUD AND CLEAR then please sign your name -- and add your outraged comments too if you wish -- in the comment area below ↓↓↓ .
You are grocery shopping.
You have various food items, such as grapes and Hot Pockets, in the main bin of your shopping cart.
You place a larger item -- such as a case of Coke, a bag of dry dog food, a jug of laundry detergent, or all of these -- in the oversized-item space at the bottom of your shopping cart.
You head to the check-out aisles, where you happen to choose the ditziest-looking cashier and make small-talk with her as she rings up your groceries.
She forgets to ring up the larger items in the oversized-item space at the bottom of your shopping cart, such as a case of Coke, a bag of dry dog food, a jug of laundry detergent, or all of these.
You push your shopping cart outside -- fast but not too fast now! -- and as you load your groceries in the trunk of your car, you happen to realize she didn't ring up the larger items in the oversized-item space at the bottom of your shopping cart, such as a case of Coke, a bag of dry dog food, a jug of laundry detergent, or all of these.
Should you go back?
But this is fate. Good luck. Free Coke, free dry dog food, free jug of laundry detergent. Divine intervention.
And those companies who sell all that stuff are robbing people with those prices anyway!
You do not go back. You load it fast. You drive away.
Congratulations! Today is a good day.
Whether you work in marketing, or accounting, or with other hamburger flippers, you work with other people.
So sometimes you have to talk to them.
On that note, one of my work mates -- one without kids -- made the mistake of telling me he "slept like a baby" the other night.
"Oh really? Well sorry to hear that.
Because that means you woke up five times and screamed your chubby face off, you shit your pants and it got all over the sheets, and those who love you most had dark thoughts of leaving you in a box on some church's stairs.
Next time maybe just say, 'I slept well.'"
We parents can get a bit sensitive about that stupid baby quote.
First they gave us regular oatmeal, which takes about 5 minutes to cook... far, far too long for an impatient American jerk like me with so much to do.
Then they gave us quick oatmeal, which takes about 2 to 3 minutes... nope, still much too long.
Next they tried instant oatmeal packets, which clock in around 1 to 2 minutes. Sorry, still too much of a commitment.
So they said, “Fine, try this!” … and gave us instant oatmeal bars. But who has the time – or the energy – to struggle with that stupid wrapper?
Give me intravenous oatmeal, served by a nurse while I'm still waking up in bed, or give me death.
- Buster Guru
Well, those Russians really get straight to the point, don't they...